As parents we are always monitoring the words our children use and do our best to steer them onto a better path with their word choices.

A path where words are chosen that reflect “good manners”, “kind words”, “happy thoughts.”

“Watch your words” or “Use your words” is the advice what we often repeat to our children, demonstrating the fact that we understand words are powerful and communicate what we desire and how we are perceived.

But what about the words we are choosing to use ourselves?

Are we monitoring them? Are we aware of the message they may send out and what we may bring back in as a result?

What we think about we bring about.

Words are so powerful and reflect our thoughts. Here are 8 words commonly used in our everyday conversations with ourselves and others that we need to monitor and change in order to bring about the future we really desire

1.Try

“I’ll try to get it finished by…” “I’ll try to catch up with you on Saturday”

Whenever I hear someone saying this, or even myself, then I know that they are not serious and it is not going to happen.

Try is a wishy washy word that is devoid of commitment, leaving wide open the space for excuses to creep in and get in your way. No one created the life of their dreams and positive results by trying. They got theirs by doing and making it happen.

Make a clearer commitment instead by saying “I’ll have it done by…” “I am free at this time and I can meet you then…” or if need be, “I can’t promise anything but I will do my best to ….”

2. Wish

Wishing is sitting on your couch daydreaming, waiting for your lotto ball to drop or the fairy godmother to appear. Wish removes yourself from the equation and tells you that you have to rely on the powers that be.

Change wish to “I will…” “I am…” I’m determined….” “I deserve…” “I desire”

3. I am

Be very careful how you use the term “I am” to define who you are. You are not angry; you are not depressed, you are not happy. All of these things are temporary emotions that come and go. If you define yourself as being this way than that identity can have a tendency to stick and what will follow will be excuses such as “I can’t do this because I am depressed” “There is nothing I can do about it, this is who I am.”

A better way to say it is “I feel angry. I feel depressed”

This lets yourself know that it is a temporary feeling which could quite easily change.

4. If

How many times do you mutter, “If I get that promotion then…” “If the money arrives then…”

“If” always presents the element of doubt. Doubt and insecurity don’t bring you what you want, certainty and confidence does. So instead of “if”, simply make it “when”

“When I get that new job…. “

When signals that you are serious and committed and you believe that what you deserve is on its way to you.

5. Should

Again a wishy washy promise word. “I should call my mother more.” “I should go to the gym tonight.” Should is rife with feelings of guilt and complacency.

You know you are never going to do it and by somehow saying that you recognize you should makes you feel better. It doesn’t really; the only thing that makes you feel better is doing it.

Should can be turned in to “I will…” or “I am going to…”

6. I can’t

This is one of those words that can be debated. We’ve all heard there is no such thing as can’t. Well there is really, I can’t sing. I really can’t. I’m dreadful. But you know what, I can try or I can learn.

As soon as your brain hears you say the word can’t, it goes on a holiday. It shuts down and celebrates because it no longer has to find a way to do it. “I can try” means that you open up a creative space for learning and exploring that may just bring you new ways of thinking and doing.

When my daughter says “Mummy, I can’t,” my response is, “Maybe, but you can always try first and see. Let’s have a go!”

7. Desperate

When we really want something there is a tendency to attach the word desperate to it, as if this word will hold some power to bring it to us faster.

“I am desperate for him to call me” “I am in desperate need of a transfer.”

Desperation breeds more things to be desperate about. It is not an attractive word.

Instead say “I am so excited that he is going to be calling me tonight. “I really desire a transfer and am ready to go!”

8. Luck

Ugh. This is my least favourite word. I really despise it as I often hear it said to me, “You are so lucky to travel like you do.”

I just want to scream. Luck has nothing to do with it. There has not been some genie in my backpack. I have travelled the world for 14 years because I made the decision to do it and then I took action. Luck has never played a part in it.

And luck never will play a part. If you always fob other people’s success off as luck, you are doing two really bad things

1) Not recognizing and appreciating all the hard work they have put into bringing about the life they desire

But more importantly

2) You are saying that it is not possible for you. So you give up before you even start creating the life you want. You think it will only happen to you if a genie appears. This is such a lie. You can have whatever you desire as long as you are willing to do what it takes to get it.

***

Choose your words carefully and you’ll soon learn that you can be, do, and have whatever you want.

Caz Makepeace has been living and traveling around the world since 1997. She is co-founder of the popular “y Travel Blog” where she shares tips, stories and inspirations on world travel. She also shares mindset and success tips for putting the mojo back into your life at her blog “Mojito Mother.”

Photo by aussiegall

Life Optimizer

‘There are two driving forces in your life: love and fear.

Love is your higher self.

It is the place of pure intention and hope.

When your higher self drives your life you are on purpose and empowered. Life surges through you; you thrive and society thrives because of it.

Fear, of course, is its opposite and is your lower self.

It is, unfortunately, the place from where the majority of us exist. When fear drives your life you stagnate and die. You don’t live your true purpose and you become dark and heavy and the world suffers as a result.

Who is the driver of your life?

Who are you allowing it to be? How do you know?

Most of the time you don’t, as you are totally unaware of what is controlling you and your victim circumstances.

Ask yourself.

Are you living your true passion and purpose? Does life course through your body allowing it to feel light and powerful?

If the answer is no, then you are allowing your lower self  to control your life. It is a bitter pill to swallow but the truth is fear drives your life.

“But fear is a good thing,” you say, “it protects me and keeps me safe.”

Fear does serve a very important purpose; to warn you when you are in physical danger and this is when we should heed its call. At any other time, fear suffocates you and prevents you from knowing for yourself how beautiful you are and all you are capable of.

When Fear Drives Your Life

Fear once was the dominant driver in my life and I was dying inside because of it. Deep down I knew I was capable of more but my lower self was in control and I could just never allow myself to be.

I had gone through my life dreaming of becoming a writer. Writing was always my silent passion. It was the form I took as a child to express myself. It was where I felt most safe and most recognized. I could express my thoughts, opinions and ideas without it being criticized or ignored.

My lower self, though was always the driver of my life. This was the part of me that believed I was worthless and had no ability whatsoever. It was never shy to tell me so either. I would write from my heart and it would say,

“That is crap Caroline! You cannot write. No-one will ever read your words or be inspired by them. Don’t be so ridiculous to think you can do this.”

And so it went and I would put down my pen and give up on my dream. My lower self had me believe that it was just a far out wish; much similar to my one of being a rock star. That it would just never happen, and so I would forget about it.

The Struggle for the Higher Self to Win

My higher self was always there struggling to come out and be the driver. It was holding onto my dream for me and was trying to make it a reality- but it had so many obstacles to overcome first.

For years my lower self dominated and nothing I tried could make it take a lessor role. I was dying inside and living such an incomplete and unfulfilled life because of it. It was not living my life on purpose.

My higher self kept trying to surface and eventually, through much introspection and self-improvement work, allowed my lower self to finally recognize what my higher self always knew.

That I was powerful beyond measure, that I was worth sharing with the world and that I could be, do and have anything I wanted. I could make a difference.

My higher self now drives my life. It knocked my lower self to the ground and asked the fear to remain their only as a warning to me in those moments of danger when I truly needed it.

When your Higher Self Drives Your Life

I no longer just write my thoughts in the privacy of my journal. I am now regularly published across the net. I write two popular blogs that both have newsletters and podcasts; I have written a few ebooks and have almost finished my book on my experiences travelling the world inspiring others to do the same, and have just hosted my first teleconference on travel blogging.

I regularly receive comments from my readers as to how my words uplift and inspire them. I am beginning to live my dream and my purpose. I tell you this to impress upon you the absolute power there is in taking the time to work on yourself. You can move mountains and you can free your soul.

You came here for a purpose and for most of us fear holds us back from being who we truly are. We don’t even notice this so habitual are our limiting thoughts, beliefs and actions.

We need help to move aside those lower forces of fear and allow love to guide us into our purposeful future.

Now in my life when I reach a moment of decision or courage, I recognize so clearly the voice of fear telling me what I should do to become less. I did not know this voice before, it acted with me being so totally unaware of it. At times now the voice can get strong enough to almost make me follow it, but the driver in my life has changed.

I have moved beyond freedom into living a life on purpose. The fear is still there but I know how to control it. I know when to listen to it and when to use it.

I know who to allow to be the driver of my life.

Start Choosing the Driver of Your Life

What is possible for you? What is your higher self asking you to do? What is your lower self squashing that it shouldn’t be?

It will always remain squashed until you find a way to remove that fear and let love for yourself and all things be the greater power.

Fear does not want you to take control because then fear will no longer have any strength or power.

You need to know for yourself just how worthy and capable you are of living your true purpose. My mission is to help people become aware of their higher self and allow this to be the dominant driver in their life.

The choice is yours as to whether you will allow fear or love to drive your life.

Love is our higher being.

With love all things are possible. With love we thrive.

Imagine the world if we were all driven by love and not fear?

Bio: Caz Makepeace has been living and traveling around the world since 1997. She is co-founder of the popular  “y Travel Blog” where she shares tips, stories and inspirations on world travel. She also shares mindset and success tips for putting the mojo back into your life at her blog “Mojito Mother

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

“You’ll never succeed.”

“You’re not good enough.”

“You might as well give up now.”

Chances are, you’re hearing things like that every single day.

They don’t come from your friend, or even your enemies.

They come from inside your own head.

Perhaps you’re working towards a big goal: like losing weight and getting fit, or starting up your own business. You might have big ambitions … but you’ve also got to fight a battle against those internal voices.

You’re not the only person who feels that way. We all have to struggle against self-doubt. And we can all overcome those negative, destructive thoughts that hold us back from reaching our goals.

Here’s how.

#1: Remember What You’ve Already Accomplished

You’ve managed to achieve lots of amazing things already. Perhaps you’ve made direct progress towards your goal: you’ve lost 10lbs, so you know you can go on and lose another 10.

Even if your goal is brand-new, you can draw on past accomplishments. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by everything you need to learn in order to get your graduate degree … but you can remember how your hard work paid off when you were an undergraduate, or a high school student.

Do it: Write down three things that you’ve accomplished. It doesn’t matter how big or small they are.

#2: Act Confident

Even if you don’t feel at all confident, you can behave as if you are. Once you start acting confident, you’ll begin to believe in yourself.

Let’s say you’ve started doing freelance photography on the weekends, and you’ve got your first few paying gigs. Your clients don’t need to know that you’re new to this. They don’t need to hear about how nervous you are. If you behave like a professional, they’ll see you as one – and you’ll start to see yourself through their eyes.

Do it: Figure out one way in which you could act confident, starting right now.

#3: Read Success Stories From Other People

Whenever I’ve tackled a big goal in my own life – like losing weight or starting my own business – I’ve been inspired by stories from others.

Lots of people have achieved the goals that you’re working towards. Many of those people will have started off in a worse position than you: they were more overweight, or more deeply in debt, or struggling in all sorts of ways. But they still succeeded … and so can you.

Do it: Look for a book or blog written by someone tackling a similar goal to yours, and read a little bit every day.

#4: Ask For Feedback from a Professional

You might have spent months or years honing your skills in a particular area, but you’re still worried that you’re not good enough.

Find someone professional, and ask them for their opinion. If you’re hoping to write a best-selling novel, hire a writing coach or editor. If you’re planning to start up a restaurant, ask for advice from someone who’s done the same thing. You’ll find out that you’re doing a lot of things right (and you’ll also get a few tips on how to make improvements).

Do it: Consider hiring a coach, or joining a small group or class. You could look locally or online.

#5: Collect Compliments and Testimonials

If you’re working on a long-term goal, chances are that you’ve have some nice comments from other people. Perhaps your friend told you how great you look now that you’ve lost a few pounds, or your first clients raved about what a great job you did for them.

Make sure you keep any encouraging words that you hear. Write down what your friends say. Save all those “thank you” emails. Post your testimonials on your website for the world to read. All of these positive, encouraging voices will help to quiet the demons of self-doubt.

Do it: Look through your emails for any positive feedback, and print it out.

#6: Plan Your Next Few Steps

One of the best ways to overcome self-doubt is to have a clear plan. It’s easy to start thinking “I’ll never do it” if you don’t know what your next steps are.

A clear plan lets you break things down into manageable chunks. It highlights any areas where you’ll need to do further research or get some help. It takes any vague worries and fears and forces them out into the light – where you’ll be able to see plenty of ways to overcome them.

Do it: Write down the next three steps towards your goal.

Are you struggling with self-doubt in any areas of your life? Or have you successfully overcome those self-doubt demons? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.

Don’t Forget to Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

Most of you have heard of Ripley’s Believe It or Not books and museums; or maybe you’ve seen the TV show. Ripley’s is a collection of crazy and sometimes grotesque images of people doing outrageous things.

Many of the images are really “unbelievable,” which explains the greatness of the title. We know they are true, but it’s hard to believe that someone would or could actually do those things.

Have you ever had that Believe It or Not feeling yourself, when something happens in your life that seems unbelievable? Maybe it’s a divorce or death in the family; or maybe it’s losing your job, your house, or something else you didn’t see coming. However, the fact that you didn’t believe it was possible didn’t change the fact that it happened. Believe it or not, it just was.

We cannot control the lives of others, just as we cannot control events such as earthquakes and other natural disasters. We can, however, choose to believe these events are part of a master plan and that there is a greater power at work on our behalf. Or, we can believe the opposite: that the world is out to get us. We can be positive, trusting beings, or victims.

I personally choose to believe that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason and that my grand plan is unfolding each day of my life, “believe it or not.”

If you’ve ever driven across the country, you know what it’s like to be sailing along at the maximum speed limit for long stretches, with little traffic on a well-paved, four-lane highway. Then, suddenly without warning, the detours occur: road construction, a bridge out, a traffic accident ….

This is a picture of daily life. Often a detour will lead us away from where we thought we were going—onto a totally new road. Or it will delay our trip because of unforeseen circumstances.

You can either enjoy the ride, potholes and all, or get angry and upset—maybe even feel frustrated enough to turn around and go back.

Fear keeps us from our dreams; faith moves us toward them.

Belief can open doors for you that you might not have even known were there.

* Know what you want and why you want it.
* Believe you will then get what you want.

I have to tell you that I’ve had my share of struggles throughout my life. When I was eighteen years old, I had just begun my test drive and I would encounter many speed bumps along the way. These challenges tested both my goal setting and Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) skills that I’d learned at a very young age, but I also learned about stamina and perseverance. I didn’t let anything interfere with my dream.

You Are In Control…

Life can take a lot from you, but it can’t take away your dreams. You have complete control over your thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

You are the only person who can make you feel depressed or rejected. Only you can tell yourself that you’re worthless. You might hear these statements from other people, but you are not those people. Whatever they think, say, or do is their opinion, their statement, their action.

Only you can tell yourself what you want to feel.

* If you want to feel powerful, tell yourself you have power.
* If you want to feel successful, start acting the way successful people act.

You will have challenges; everyone does. In fact, we create those challenges ourselves in order to meet and surmount them. As mentioned in Proverbs, without grist for the mill, the wheel will not turn!

* Believe in yourself and you will be able to keep that wheel turning.
* Believe in your dreams and you will find yourself always moving forward.

I want to share with you one of my favorite poems about belief. During my college years, it helped me to believe that I could accomplish whatever I set out to do. Even now as an adult, I still embrace the message this poem delivers.

…Believe in yourself and in your plan;
Say not – I cannot – but, I can.
The prizes of life we fail to win
Because we doubt the power within

– Author Unknown
______________
Michelle Prince is the Best-Selling Author of the book “Winning in Life Now… How to Break Through to a Happier You!”. Aside from being an author, Michelle is a sought after motivational speaker and one-on-one mentor. Contact her at www.WinningInLifeNow.com or info@princeperformance.com

-What are your thoughts on the ideas above? What are some ways you go about keeping your self-belief at its peak? Use the comments below to share your thoughts.

Motivation Articles, Essays, Tips and Advice

Everyone would rather do anything at all except clean the house. Time spent cleaning feels like time wasted that could be used doing something fun. When cleaning is viewed as a chore instead of as an aspect of family life, the person stuck with cleaning feels imprisoned. Spend some time deciding what you hate about cleaning and then use these ten tips to embrace housecleaning as something that can become a good habit.

1. Cleaning supplies

Maintain a sufficient supply of quality cleaning solutions that work well and can be used consistently. Purchase sponges, cloths, brooms, dusters, and a vacuum cleaner that are sturdy and will last for years. Buying good quality supplies will eliminate one frustrating aspect of cleaning the house.

2. Storage areas

Designate certain areas for items that are used consistently. When every item has a proper place, cleaning is easier and the home appears to be well-maintained. Teach the children where their toys, books, and clothes must be kept and encourage them to participate in putting things away.

3. Manageable tasks

One major reason cited for not cleaning the house is the overwhelming tasks that must be completed. Break down every task into manageable stages that can be completed in smaller increments of time. When every other activity must be postponed to clean the house, the cleaning will be delayed and go unfinished.

4. Daily routine

Straightening the area near the television should be a family activity at the end of each day. When everyone takes their own belongings out of the room and puts them away, the room is ready for the next use. Working together to clean this room will build positive maintenance habits that will spread to other areas of the house.

5. Weekly routine

Designate one or two hours each day to completing some chores. Instead of using all of Saturday to complete the cleaning, set up a cleaning schedule where each room is cleaned every week. Choose a day to address each child’s room. Designate another day to clean the baths. When small areas receive attention each day, the entire house will be cleaned each week without using weekend time.

6. Help from others

Some major tasks require help from family members and others require some professional cleaning assistance. Hire someone to clean the carpet throughout the home. Designate two Saturdays each year to clean and straighten the garage and have a party at the end of the day to reward everyone.

7. Incremental progress

Initial efforts to establish a cleaning schedule will be met with some resistance, but each successive week of cleaning will result in progress. Stay with the new schedule and notice that each week the chores are taking less time. As you notice areas that need improved, the house will become cleaner with less effort.

8. Final task of each activity

At the end of a meal, clean up the kitchen so that the area is clean for the next use. Whenever a craft project is completed, clean the area and put everything away. At the end of each day, hang up jackets, put away toys, and throw away the junk that is lying around. The house will appear clean in the morning as the family is getting ready to greet the day.

9. Fun is required

Listen to some music, an audio book, or a great radio program while completing the cleaning chores. Passing the time while listening to some great music will enable everyone to remember that cleaning can be seasoned with fun.

10. Excuses!

Resist the urge to let yourself avoid the cleaning chores for even one day. The life of a family is greatly improved when the house is not cluttered and dirty. Break down each chore and decide to spend some time each day working through the clutter and cleaning at least one area.

When every family member participates in cleaning the house, each person becomes more aware of the effort required to manage the home. Battles over putting everything away will be eliminated when cleaning takes less time each week. Children learn quickly that keeping their own belongings put away will result in less time to clean their rooms later. Giving the children a good example of maintaining a clean home will be a lifelong gift they will appreciate as adults.

George Baker knows all there is to know about vacuum cleaner bags! (and hopefully a little about blogging!)

Image credit: Banksy

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

The motivational book industry is one of the biggest and bestselling printed materials industries not just in America, but around the world. While this is completely understandable, as many books out there have the potential to actually change the course of people’s lives, it behooves us to look at some claims with a skeptical eye. Here are a few themes that are played out in motivational books that you should think about carefully before buying into:

1. 1. Things could be a lot worse, so accept your fate.

This is one of the most bogus arguments that I hear from many motivational speakers and writers. Of course, things could be a lot worse. Things could be worse in any instance, as natural disasters, crippling poverty, and armed conflict going on around the world can attest to. At the same time, however, these problems do not, in any way, affect or connect with problems that you are going through. To say that you should just accept life as it is, is tantamount to never striving for change.

1. 2. Money and/or status are the most important things in life.

Although not all motivational books are guilty of this assertion, many of these books are underpinned by the idea that we are aiming for “success”, which means money and status, and that our problems are simply obstacles to this idea of success. As Portnoy states in the iconic novel “Portnoy’s Complaint”:

“American society [...] not only sanctions gross and unfair relations among men, but it encourages them. Now, can that be denied? No. Rivalry, competition, envy, jealousy, all that is malignant in human character is nourished by the system. Possession, money, property–on such corrupt standards as these do you people measure happiness and success.”

1. 3. You don’t have to sacrifice anything.

This is patently false, and when motivational books promise you that you can have it all based on a following a set formula, know that you are being duped. Life is tough, and we all must sacrifice one thing in order to accomplish or acquire something else. The tricky part is know which battles to pick, what to leave out, and what to compromise.

1. 4. You can handle your problems without help from others.

This is one assumption that runs rampant throughout many motivational books. And I’m convinced it is a direct result of America’s heritage of the puritan work ethic that dictates that we can all pick ourselves up from our bootstraps if we try hard enough. While I’m certainly not disagreeing with some of the themes of this tradition, I will say that, as John Donne put it, “No man is an island.” When the going gets tough, hold on to your nearest and dearest, and learn to ask for help when you need it.

While there is much that we can criticize about the self-help, motivational genre, it does fill a hole that is sorely lacking our lives. The most important thing to remember is to treat everything with a healthy, open-hearted, optimistic doubt.

———–

This guest post is contributed by Leslie Johnson, who writes about health, green living, parenting related articles at masters in health administration.

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

By Leigh Harris

The last time I felt a true sense of regret I was careening off the side of the road into a 30-foot ditch. For a split second I thought I might die.

That day there was a downpour, the road was collecting water, and, while I was going the speed limit, it was too fast for the conditions. I wanted to get to the next business destination.

Suddenly I could feel the car hydroplaning, and I struggled to keep the car straight. I’m guessing I kept the car on the road for 50 feet or so, before it caught enough ground to veer to the right, over the edge of the embankment.

I was eight weeks pregnant, and my daughter was 20 months old. It was a frightening experience, yet my feeling of fear paled in comparison to this powerful sense of regret.

Clear in my mind was the mistake I made (going too fast), and for one speeding moment it was possible I could take two lives and leave my daughter without a mom, and my husband without a wife.

Yet as quickly as I felt regret, it was replaced with relief. My car bottomed out in a wide ditch, nose down, but not excessively. I sat in the car, shaking, and made a few phone calls, then calmly got out and climbed to the edge of the road. I had lots of time to think, both at the edge of the road and for months afterwards.

It was in those months I realized regret is a wasted emotion. It is a draining, low-vibrating feeling based on action, which can’t be changed. As with any life altering moment, I’ve learned from it, and haven’t felt regret since that day. I hope you consider the effect regret may have in your life, and can take steps to eliminate it for good.

Regret. It almost always occurs when something wrong happens which you cannot fix. Webster’s Dictionary defines it as grief caused by the want or loss of something formerly possessed.

I believe regret goes even deeper than that. It is grief from the loss of something because you made a mistake. If you lose something, yet did everything right, you might feel anger, sadness, or frustration, but you won’t feel regret.

It is the irreversible mistake, which holds such power. Mistakes can include wrong words (or not communicating), careless behavior, or unthinking actions. Have you ever lost a relationship with a lover or friend? If you feel regret around it, you probably remember the mistakes you’ve made.

But that memory, and your feelings around it, can affect your happiness right now. Here are four lessons I’ve learned on how to deal with regret and the necessarily steps to overcome the experience of regret.

4 Lessons: How to Deal with Regret

1. Learn to Forgive

Regret happens when you don’t forgive yourself. When your mistake feels final, like going too fast on a highway, it is too easy to feel regret. However, forgiveness is a powerful catalyst, and is one of the most loving actions you can take for yourself. While regret holds you back in the past, forgiveness helps you to move forward.

Tell yourself, “That was part of who I was then. I didn’t know any better or I would have made a different choice. That mistake helped me to grow into who I am today. I forgive myself and resolve to move forward.” Believe what you tell yourself.

2. Let Go of Negative Feelings

Send negative feelings about your actions into the past, where the action occurred. They don’t do you any good now.

Visualize moving those pent-up feelings from your body back to the moment they occurred, with the more innocent version of yourself. (Here, you can forgive both yourself and those feelings.)

3. Find the Lessons

Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” When you make a mistake, there is ALWAYS something to learn.

Learning equals growth. It is more difficult to feel loss when your focus is on gain, and on bettering yourself.

My main lesson from my accident wasn’t simply to slow down; it was to listen to my intuition. It told me to slow down before I slid, but in my rush, I didn’t listen. I learned my lesson.

4. Letting Go of Old & Creating New

That person or thing you lost – what did it symbolize for you? What feeling did you enjoy (or wish to enjoy)?

Did your ex-spouse provide comfort and personal connection? Did a foreclosed house symbolize accomplishment and success for you?

Move feelings of comfort or success away from something in the past, and connect them to something new. Focus on new accomplishments and connections so you can move forward, away from memories, which no longer serve you.

Parting Words on Regret

The common thread in each of these lessons is to let go of the past, and create a better future. When you do this, there is no longer room for regret, for it serves no active purpose.

Concentrate on now. Put your passion into a new relationship, a new skill or a new adventure. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move forward with a clear conscience.

What part of yourself will you forgive in order to move on?

What are your hopes and dreams? What part of them exists right now (the seed to them coming true)?

—

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About the Author

Leigh Harris is a happily married mother of two, currently writing a book about metaphysical parenting, and always learning. More of her thoughts and insights are on her blog, Metaphysical Mom, and she can be reached at her website, http://www.leigh-harris.com.

Related Articles on How to Deal with Regret

• A Guide to Happiness via Self Forgiveness
• Living Without Regret
• How to End Suffering
• Not Enough Time? How to Stop The Illusion
• Synchronicity – The Beauty of Coincidences

Think Simple Now

When it comes to accomplishing things, in most cases we tend to over complicate the process. Certainly, in some instances there is a basic learning curve that might be required to overcome (notice the emphasis on basic). That said, you will give yourself a better then average chance of accomplishing more, more often if you will develop the habit of writing down what you want to achieve.

Yes, we’re talking about making lists. No, it’s not fancy, but it is effective. Simple and effective. Two words that go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Got it? Good! …

The reason keeping lists work so well is because the chances of you getting sidetracked, as long as you have a visual reminder of what you want to do is greatly reduced. Provided of course you can keep what needs to be done — where you are most likely to see it!

At this point you’ve got the basics down. If you want to get really fancy you can keep your lists in your phone, and assign handy reminders for yourself.

Alternatively, you can keep your lists on a sheet of paper (so long as you’re not prone to lose it prior to completing the tasks on it of course).

Here’s something I like to do with paper based lists…

I keep my daily actions list in a notebook that includes tear out sheets of paper. It’s got a lightweight plastic type front and back so it can withstand a little wear and tear.

Each day (actually the night before) I will draw a line down the piece of paper. On one side I write “Work” and on the other side of the line I write “Personal”.

I then go down each side of the paper writing down my “to do action items” which fit within the two broad categories.

This gives me a handy at a glance view of the things that I’ve identified as being most important to complete for the particular day.

As I accomplish the particular items on my list I like to put the letter v with a little circle around it (as in v for victory) and then I’ll scratch through the item as well (making sure I can still make out what I’ve completed). I find that this allows me to enjoy the little mental boost that goes along with having completed the task, while at the same time letting me look back on what I have completed and review if necessary.

At the end of the day I turn to a new page — repeat the steps mentioned above, and add whatever tasks I didn’t complete the day before. It’s also worth noting that in some cases some of the items that were on the list before may no longer be relevant or as important as I thought they were — so they don’t get moved to my new list.

I should also mention that in some instances I also include tasks in my phone or calendar for additional reminding. It is also worth noting that the items that go on this daily list are just that — daily action items I need to do. I don’t include long term goals or things which need to be recalled longer term. Those things go in my calendar, or phone where I can let the “technology” keep up with reminding me and ensuring I stay on task.

The main thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to drive yourself nuts trying to adhere to a system that doesn’t feel right to you personally. Feel free to give the ideas above a try, if they resonate with you, wonderful, if not, by all means use bits and pieces of what you learn and mash it all up into a system that works best for you.

Keep in mind that personal development is a hands on project — which is to say that you have to be the biggest part in the equation. Certainly be open to shared ideas, but more then that be open to trying and when necessary adapting what you learn into something that’s workable for you.

It’s your life, LIVE BIG!
Josh Hinds

-What are some strategies you use to get things done? Use the comments below to share your thoughts.

Josh Hinds

I have broken the process into three simple steps I call the ABC’s of creating the life of your dreams.

Yes, having the life of your dreams can be as simple as A,B,C, if you follow the steps.

Accept…

Accept the fact that your thoughts and actions have contributed to the circumstances in your life. If you are 25 pounds overweight, you did it by choice. Nobody forced the food into you, did they? If you are in a job you do not love, you’re the one who stays in it.

Take responsibility for your life.

This will empower you to make changes. A good exercise to get you started is to take a personal inventory. This exercise is similar to grocers taking an inventory of their stock.

Take a sheet of paper and list all of the things you like about yourself along with those areas you want to change. It is important you list the good along with the “not so good.” When you have finished, you will have a clearer picture of what you want to change in your life.

Believe…

Believe in yourself. Dare to dream!

And when you dream, dream big!

The late, Norman Vincent Peale said, “If you want a big life, you have to have big dreams.”

However, before you can have what you want, you must know what that is. You need clearly defined, written goals.

Start with a clean sheet of paper. Across the top write “Dream Sheet.” Now list all of the things you want to have, do be, and share.

Don’t worry right now, how you will accomplish this. Simply write. Do this for at least a half an hour.

You will be amazed how easy it will be for about 10 minutes, then you will have to really think about what you want.

Now that you have clearly defined goals, you are ready for the next, and most important, step.

Commit to your success…

Commit to your goals, right now.

On another sheet of paper, write each goal. Next to it, write a short sentence or two about why you will accomplish this.

It has been said many times that you can reach any goal if you have a big enough why.

You are now ready to develop an action plan. Write each goal on a separate sheet of paper. Next to each one, list one or two immediate steps you can take to move toward this goal.

Don’t worry about knowing everything you’ll need to know. As you start moving, the path will reveal itself. It’s much like the headlights on your car. They only light a certain distance in front of you but, as you progress, the road ahead is lighted for you.

What will you need to learn? Whose help will you need?

For example, if you goal is to shed 25 pounds, you may want to consult a health professional. Perhaps you want to join a health club, buy a book on exercise, take a class, etc.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are always people, probably right around you, who already know what you need to know or do and would be happy to help, if only they were asked.

You deserve to live a full, healthy, happy, prosperous life. It is up to you.
____________
Jim Donovan is the author of the International bestsellers, Handbook To A Happier Life and This Is Your Life, Not A Dress Rehearsal. You can visit his website at JimDonovan.com.

-take a moment to share your biggest takeaway, or lesson learned from the article above in the comments below.

Motivation Articles, Essays, Tips and Advice

Shakespeare was wrong. All the world is not a stage, you just think it is. And it is this thought — the belief that you need to perform for an always-watching and always-critiquing audience — that creates massive anxiety. If you’d like to reclaim some of the time and energy you spend worrying about what others think, then read on and be inspired to be, create, and share your talents without fear of embarrassment.

There are three sure-fire ways to eliminate criticism in your life: be dreadfully normal, do not take any risks whatsoever, and do your best to sacrifice what is special and unique about yourself in order to blend in as much as possible. Of course, this is clearly not the recipe for living your best life. You cannot avoid criticism, but you can learn to live with it and not allow it have such a grip on your life — in other words, you can get to the point where you care so much about yourself or your idea that that you’re not sidelined by a critical comment, negative review, or raised eyebrow.

Stop letting fear and anxiety prevent you from being the person you are and from sharing your creativity with these nine tips:

1. Find a role model. Last week, the first installment of the film version of Ayn Rand’s classic book, “Atlas Shrugged”, was released in theaters. But if you really want a boost of inspiration from one of the greatest creative rogues in literary history, read her other book, The Fountainhead. Howard Roark will have you cheering.
2. Focus where it counts. Think of your available attention as a glass with a limited capacity. You choose what goes in the glass, but the glass restricts how much you can put in it. You have a limited amount of mental energy with which to pay attention. Great public speakers have a trick to reduce nervousness. The more they focus on their message, on how much impact they want to make and on their audience’s needs, the less mental energy they have to devote to their butterflies, to screwing up, or to how much the presentation could make or break their career.  So whether you are interviewing for a job, pitching a new client, writing a book, submitting a blog post, dancing, or asking for a raise, the more you can focus on the task at hand, the less energy you’ll waste being afraid or worrying.
3. Be like Bruce Lee. Anxiety is the product of what is versus what could be. The best way to reduce anxiety is to clear your head of what could be. Bruce Lee was a master at this. Instead of focusing on the outcome of a fight, he emptied his mind and became formless and shapeless in order to adapt in the moment to what was rather than what might be. Focus in the moment on doing, not winning.
4. Be careful who you ask. Stop asking people what they think of you and your ideas — especially people who are critical, unsuccessful, or unhappy. Their comments will be less about your idea and more of a reflection of their negative and unhealthy state.
5. De-sensitize yourself. What is the absolute worst case scenario? A bad review? Being booed off stage? Getting fired? Imagine the absolute worst case scenario, and then ask yourself, “Could I survive that?”
6. Stop reading negative comments/reviews. Has a waiter ever placed a plate in front of you and warned you that it was really hot, but seconds later you felt compelled to touch it anyway? Why do we do this to ourselves? I’ve spoken to bestselling authors who have garnered hundreds of “5 Star” reviews on Amazon, but they become obsessed with reading and re-reading a handful of negative comments. If it hurts, don’t do it!
7. Ask the right questions. First, make sure you are asking the right person. Then, instead of asking, “What did you think?” a much better (and more positive) question is “How can I make this better?”
8. Pray for criticism. The second-to-worst thing is getting negative feedback, but the worst thing is being ignored. Jump at the chance to impact the lives of a few rather than being ignored by all. Remember that.
9. Don’t need to please everyone. All it takes is 51% of the people to like you (and sometimes not even that) to become president of the United States. This means that the most powerful person in the world has a job where half of the country wants to fire him. No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be people who won’t agree. Accept it or hide. Those are your only two options.

Don’t try to psych yourself up to the point where you simply don’t care enough to let criticism affect you. This strategy is wrong and dangerous. A much better approach is to care deeply about who you are and what you are creating. Follow your passion and your inspiration. Go where you are called and create what is inside you. Care so much for others that you don’t care what they think. The greatest achievements the world has ever seen were started by individuals who marched to the beat of a different drummer. As you set out to change the world, just make sure your drum is loud enough drown out all the critics.

Are you ready to create more money, time, energy, and passion in your life? Learn how to live your best life now with these free resources:

Get the “Achieving Peak Performance” ebook and video now! (free for a limited time)

You can also join a community of passionate people at Richer Life who want to achieve more in life and at work. With your free membership, you can participate in conversations I have with experts, celebrities, authors, and thought leaders that are laser-focused on practical ways to drive more money, motivation, and meaning into your life. Take the first step toward creating a better life by joining Richer Life for free now!

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement