Lumpuckeroo

The motivational book industry is one of the biggest and bestselling printed materials industries not just in America, but around the world. While this is completely understandable, as many books out there have the potential to actually change the course of people’s lives, it behooves us to look at some claims with a skeptical eye. Here are a few themes that are played out in motivational books that you should think about carefully before buying into:

1. 1. Things could be a lot worse, so accept your fate.

This is one of the most bogus arguments that I hear from many motivational speakers and writers. Of course, things could be a lot worse. Things could be worse in any instance, as natural disasters, crippling poverty, and armed conflict going on around the world can attest to. At the same time, however, these problems do not, in any way, affect or connect with problems that you are going through. To say that you should just accept life as it is, is tantamount to never striving for change.

1. 2. Money and/or status are the most important things in life.

Although not all motivational books are guilty of this assertion, many of these books are underpinned by the idea that we are aiming for “success”, which means money and status, and that our problems are simply obstacles to this idea of success. As Portnoy states in the iconic novel “Portnoy’s Complaint”:

“American society [...] not only sanctions gross and unfair relations among men, but it encourages them. Now, can that be denied? No. Rivalry, competition, envy, jealousy, all that is malignant in human character is nourished by the system. Possession, money, property–on such corrupt standards as these do you people measure happiness and success.”

1. 3. You don’t have to sacrifice anything.

This is patently false, and when motivational books promise you that you can have it all based on a following a set formula, know that you are being duped. Life is tough, and we all must sacrifice one thing in order to accomplish or acquire something else. The tricky part is know which battles to pick, what to leave out, and what to compromise.

1. 4. You can handle your problems without help from others.

This is one assumption that runs rampant throughout many motivational books. And I’m convinced it is a direct result of America’s heritage of the puritan work ethic that dictates that we can all pick ourselves up from our bootstraps if we try hard enough. While I’m certainly not disagreeing with some of the themes of this tradition, I will say that, as John Donne put it, “No man is an island.” When the going gets tough, hold on to your nearest and dearest, and learn to ask for help when you need it.

While there is much that we can criticize about the self-help, motivational genre, it does fill a hole that is sorely lacking our lives. The most important thing to remember is to treat everything with a healthy, open-hearted, optimistic doubt.

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This guest post is contributed by Leslie Johnson, who writes about health, green living, parenting related articles at masters in health administration.

PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement| PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement

Photo by Simón Pais-Thomas

By Leigh Harris

The last time I felt a true sense of regret I was careening off the side of the road into a 30-foot ditch. For a split second I thought I might die.

That day there was a downpour, the road was collecting water, and, while I was going the speed limit, it was too fast for the conditions. I wanted to get to the next business destination.

Suddenly I could feel the car hydroplaning, and I struggled to keep the car straight. I’m guessing I kept the car on the road for 50 feet or so, before it caught enough ground to veer to the right, over the edge of the embankment.

I was eight weeks pregnant, and my daughter was 20 months old. It was a frightening experience, yet my feeling of fear paled in comparison to this powerful sense of regret.

Clear in my mind was the mistake I made (going too fast), and for one speeding moment it was possible I could take two lives and leave my daughter without a mom, and my husband without a wife.

Yet as quickly as I felt regret, it was replaced with relief. My car bottomed out in a wide ditch, nose down, but not excessively. I sat in the car, shaking, and made a few phone calls, then calmly got out and climbed to the edge of the road. I had lots of time to think, both at the edge of the road and for months afterwards.

It was in those months I realized regret is a wasted emotion. It is a draining, low-vibrating feeling based on action, which can’t be changed. As with any life altering moment, I’ve learned from it, and haven’t felt regret since that day. I hope you consider the effect regret may have in your life, and can take steps to eliminate it for good.

Regret. It almost always occurs when something wrong happens which you cannot fix. Webster’s Dictionary defines it as grief caused by the want or loss of something formerly possessed.

I believe regret goes even deeper than that. It is grief from the loss of something because you made a mistake. If you lose something, yet did everything right, you might feel anger, sadness, or frustration, but you won’t feel regret.

It is the irreversible mistake, which holds such power. Mistakes can include wrong words (or not communicating), careless behavior, or unthinking actions. Have you ever lost a relationship with a lover or friend? If you feel regret around it, you probably remember the mistakes you’ve made.

But that memory, and your feelings around it, can affect your happiness right now. Here are four lessons I’ve learned on how to deal with regret and the necessarily steps to overcome the experience of regret.

4 Lessons: How to Deal with Regret

1. Learn to Forgive

Regret happens when you don’t forgive yourself. When your mistake feels final, like going too fast on a highway, it is too easy to feel regret. However, forgiveness is a powerful catalyst, and is one of the most loving actions you can take for yourself. While regret holds you back in the past, forgiveness helps you to move forward.

Tell yourself, “That was part of who I was then. I didn’t know any better or I would have made a different choice. That mistake helped me to grow into who I am today. I forgive myself and resolve to move forward.” Believe what you tell yourself.

2. Let Go of Negative Feelings

Send negative feelings about your actions into the past, where the action occurred. They don’t do you any good now.

Visualize moving those pent-up feelings from your body back to the moment they occurred, with the more innocent version of yourself. (Here, you can forgive both yourself and those feelings.)

3. Find the Lessons

Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” When you make a mistake, there is ALWAYS something to learn.

Learning equals growth. It is more difficult to feel loss when your focus is on gain, and on bettering yourself.

My main lesson from my accident wasn’t simply to slow down; it was to listen to my intuition. It told me to slow down before I slid, but in my rush, I didn’t listen. I learned my lesson.

4. Letting Go of Old & Creating New

That person or thing you lost – what did it symbolize for you? What feeling did you enjoy (or wish to enjoy)?

Did your ex-spouse provide comfort and personal connection? Did a foreclosed house symbolize accomplishment and success for you?

Move feelings of comfort or success away from something in the past, and connect them to something new. Focus on new accomplishments and connections so you can move forward, away from memories, which no longer serve you.

Parting Words on Regret

The common thread in each of these lessons is to let go of the past, and create a better future. When you do this, there is no longer room for regret, for it serves no active purpose.

Concentrate on now. Put your passion into a new relationship, a new skill or a new adventure. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and move forward with a clear conscience.

What part of yourself will you forgive in order to move on?

What are your hopes and dreams? What part of them exists right now (the seed to them coming true)?

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About the Author

Leigh Harris is a happily married mother of two, currently writing a book about metaphysical parenting, and always learning. More of her thoughts and insights are on her blog, Metaphysical Mom, and she can be reached at her website, http://www.leigh-harris.com.

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• Synchronicity – The Beauty of Coincidences

Think Simple Now

If you want to remember something, be sure to write it down. If you’ve heard that said once, you have heard it a million times. For good reason I might add. It’s solid advice.

When it comes to accomplishing things, in most cases we tend to over complicate the process. Certainly, in some instances there is a basic learning curve that might be required to overcome (notice the emphasis on basic). That said, you will give yourself a better then average chance of accomplishing more, more often if you will develop the habit of writing down what you want to achieve.

Yes, we’re talking about making lists. No, it’s not fancy, but it is effective. Simple and effective. Two words that go together like peanut butter and jelly.

Got it? Good! …

The reason keeping lists work so well is because the chances of you getting sidetracked, as long as you have a visual reminder of what you want to do is greatly reduced. Provided of course you can keep what needs to be done — where you are most likely to see it!

At this point you’ve got the basics down. If you want to get really fancy you can keep your lists in your phone, and assign handy reminders for yourself.

Alternatively, you can keep your lists on a sheet of paper (so long as you’re not prone to lose it prior to completing the tasks on it of course).

Here’s something I like to do with paper based lists…

I keep my daily actions list in a notebook that includes tear out sheets of paper. It’s got a lightweight plastic type front and back so it can withstand a little wear and tear.

Each day (actually the night before) I will draw a line down the piece of paper. On one side I write “Work” and on the other side of the line I write “Personal”.

I then go down each side of the paper writing down my “to do action items” which fit within the two broad categories.

This gives me a handy at a glance view of the things that I’ve identified as being most important to complete for the particular day.

As I accomplish the particular items on my list I like to put the letter v with a little circle around it (as in v for victory) and then I’ll scratch through the item as well (making sure I can still make out what I’ve completed). I find that this allows me to enjoy the little mental boost that goes along with having completed the task, while at the same time letting me look back on what I have completed and review if necessary.

At the end of the day I turn to a new page — repeat the steps mentioned above, and add whatever tasks I didn’t complete the day before. It’s also worth noting that in some cases some of the items that were on the list before may no longer be relevant or as important as I thought they were — so they don’t get moved to my new list.

I should also mention that in some instances I also include tasks in my phone or calendar for additional reminding. It is also worth noting that the items that go on this daily list are just that — daily action items I need to do. I don’t include long term goals or things which need to be recalled longer term. Those things go in my calendar, or phone where I can let the “technology” keep up with reminding me and ensuring I stay on task.

The main thing to keep in mind is that you don’t want to drive yourself nuts trying to adhere to a system that doesn’t feel right to you personally. Feel free to give the ideas above a try, if they resonate with you, wonderful, if not, by all means use bits and pieces of what you learn and mash it all up into a system that works best for you.

Keep in mind that personal development is a hands on project — which is to say that you have to be the biggest part in the equation. Certainly be open to shared ideas, but more then that be open to trying and when necessary adapting what you learn into something that’s workable for you.

It’s your life, LIVE BIG!
Josh Hinds

-What are some strategies you use to get things done? Use the comments below to share your thoughts.

Josh Hinds

You deserve to live the kind of life you’ve always dreamed about. You can have everything you want in life, if, you are willing to do what it takes.

I have broken the process into three simple steps I call the ABC’s of creating the life of your dreams.

Yes, having the life of your dreams can be as simple as A,B,C, if you follow the steps.

Accept…

Accept the fact that your thoughts and actions have contributed to the circumstances in your life. If you are 25 pounds overweight, you did it by choice. Nobody forced the food into you, did they? If you are in a job you do not love, you’re the one who stays in it.

Take responsibility for your life.

This will empower you to make changes. A good exercise to get you started is to take a personal inventory. This exercise is similar to grocers taking an inventory of their stock.

Take a sheet of paper and list all of the things you like about yourself along with those areas you want to change. It is important you list the good along with the “not so good.” When you have finished, you will have a clearer picture of what you want to change in your life.

Believe…

Believe in yourself. Dare to dream!

And when you dream, dream big!

The late, Norman Vincent Peale said, “If you want a big life, you have to have big dreams.”

However, before you can have what you want, you must know what that is. You need clearly defined, written goals.

Start with a clean sheet of paper. Across the top write “Dream Sheet.” Now list all of the things you want to have, do be, and share.

Don’t worry right now, how you will accomplish this. Simply write. Do this for at least a half an hour.

You will be amazed how easy it will be for about 10 minutes, then you will have to really think about what you want.

Now that you have clearly defined goals, you are ready for the next, and most important, step.

Commit to your success…

Commit to your goals, right now.

On another sheet of paper, write each goal. Next to it, write a short sentence or two about why you will accomplish this.

It has been said many times that you can reach any goal if you have a big enough why.

You are now ready to develop an action plan. Write each goal on a separate sheet of paper. Next to each one, list one or two immediate steps you can take to move toward this goal.

Don’t worry about knowing everything you’ll need to know. As you start moving, the path will reveal itself. It’s much like the headlights on your car. They only light a certain distance in front of you but, as you progress, the road ahead is lighted for you.

What will you need to learn? Whose help will you need?

For example, if you goal is to shed 25 pounds, you may want to consult a health professional. Perhaps you want to join a health club, buy a book on exercise, take a class, etc.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are always people, probably right around you, who already know what you need to know or do and would be happy to help, if only they were asked.

You deserve to live a full, healthy, happy, prosperous life. It is up to you.
____________
Jim Donovan is the author of the International bestsellers, Handbook To A Happier Life and This Is Your Life, Not A Dress Rehearsal. You can visit his website at JimDonovan.com.

-take a moment to share your biggest takeaway, or lesson learned from the article above in the comments below.

Motivation Articles, Essays, Tips and Advice

Shakespeare was wrong. All the world is not a stage, you just think it is. And it is this thought — the belief that you need to perform for an always-watching and always-critiquing audience — that creates massive anxiety. If you’d like to reclaim some of the time and energy you spend worrying about what others think, then read on and be inspired to be, create, and share your talents without fear of embarrassment.

There are three sure-fire ways to eliminate criticism in your life: be dreadfully normal, do not take any risks whatsoever, and do your best to sacrifice what is special and unique about yourself in order to blend in as much as possible. Of course, this is clearly not the recipe for living your best life. You cannot avoid criticism, but you can learn to live with it and not allow it have such a grip on your life — in other words, you can get to the point where you care so much about yourself or your idea that that you’re not sidelined by a critical comment, negative review, or raised eyebrow.

Stop letting fear and anxiety prevent you from being the person you are and from sharing your creativity with these nine tips:

1. Find a role model. Last week, the first installment of the film version of Ayn Rand’s classic book, “Atlas Shrugged”, was released in theaters. But if you really want a boost of inspiration from one of the greatest creative rogues in literary history, read her other book, The Fountainhead. Howard Roark will have you cheering.
2. Focus where it counts. Think of your available attention as a glass with a limited capacity. You choose what goes in the glass, but the glass restricts how much you can put in it. You have a limited amount of mental energy with which to pay attention. Great public speakers have a trick to reduce nervousness. The more they focus on their message, on how much impact they want to make and on their audience’s needs, the less mental energy they have to devote to their butterflies, to screwing up, or to how much the presentation could make or break their career.  So whether you are interviewing for a job, pitching a new client, writing a book, submitting a blog post, dancing, or asking for a raise, the more you can focus on the task at hand, the less energy you’ll waste being afraid or worrying.
3. Be like Bruce Lee. Anxiety is the product of what is versus what could be. The best way to reduce anxiety is to clear your head of what could be. Bruce Lee was a master at this. Instead of focusing on the outcome of a fight, he emptied his mind and became formless and shapeless in order to adapt in the moment to what was rather than what might be. Focus in the moment on doing, not winning.
4. Be careful who you ask. Stop asking people what they think of you and your ideas — especially people who are critical, unsuccessful, or unhappy. Their comments will be less about your idea and more of a reflection of their negative and unhealthy state.
5. De-sensitize yourself. What is the absolute worst case scenario? A bad review? Being booed off stage? Getting fired? Imagine the absolute worst case scenario, and then ask yourself, “Could I survive that?”
6. Stop reading negative comments/reviews. Has a waiter ever placed a plate in front of you and warned you that it was really hot, but seconds later you felt compelled to touch it anyway? Why do we do this to ourselves? I’ve spoken to bestselling authors who have garnered hundreds of “5 Star” reviews on Amazon, but they become obsessed with reading and re-reading a handful of negative comments. If it hurts, don’t do it!
7. Ask the right questions. First, make sure you are asking the right person. Then, instead of asking, “What did you think?” a much better (and more positive) question is “How can I make this better?”
8. Pray for criticism. The second-to-worst thing is getting negative feedback, but the worst thing is being ignored. Jump at the chance to impact the lives of a few rather than being ignored by all. Remember that.
9. Don’t need to please everyone. All it takes is 51% of the people to like you (and sometimes not even that) to become president of the United States. This means that the most powerful person in the world has a job where half of the country wants to fire him. No matter who you are or what you do, there will always be people who won’t agree. Accept it or hide. Those are your only two options.

Don’t try to psych yourself up to the point where you simply don’t care enough to let criticism affect you. This strategy is wrong and dangerous. A much better approach is to care deeply about who you are and what you are creating. Follow your passion and your inspiration. Go where you are called and create what is inside you. Care so much for others that you don’t care what they think. The greatest achievements the world has ever seen were started by individuals who marched to the beat of a different drummer. As you set out to change the world, just make sure your drum is loud enough drown out all the critics.

Are you ready to create more money, time, energy, and passion in your life? Learn how to live your best life now with these free resources:

Get the “Achieving Peak Performance” ebook and video now! (free for a limited time)

You can also join a community of passionate people at Richer Life who want to achieve more in life and at work. With your free membership, you can participate in conversations I have with experts, celebrities, authors, and thought leaders that are laser-focused on practical ways to drive more money, motivation, and meaning into your life. Take the first step toward creating a better life by joining Richer Life for free now!

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