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I’ve discovered a powerful remedy for self-destructive habits that is so simple I wondered how I missed it over the years. My self-destructive habit involved eating junk food late at night, yet my discovery will work for any chronic, self-defeating behavior.

Do you do things every day that you wish you didn’t?

Most people wish they had control over certain behaviors, from addictions like smoking, drinking, gambling and junk food to emotional behaviors such as anger outbursts and yelling. Other seemingly stress related habits plague millions, such as biting fingernails, fidgeting or even shopping too much. We are creatures of habit, but sometimes our habits get the best of us, even though we understand the consequences.

Science Daily recently reported on a University of Alberta study involving lifestyle habits:

“…it was clear that they understood what types of behaviour are the riskiest, but that knowledge wasn’t enough to motivate them to change their ways,” said Dr. Cindy Jardine, an assistant professor of rural sociology at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, Canada.

“The results showed that in fact, people have a very realistic understanding of the various risks in their lives. We as risk communicators–scientists, academics, government agencies–have to get beyond the thought of ‘If they only understood the facts, they’d change.’ They do understand the facts, but we need to look at other factors we haven’t been looking at before.”

Here it is, then: we understand the danger, yet we do it anyway!

What must be true if we do daily, harmful things to ourselves? Here are my answers:

1. We just don’t care that much about ourselves, indicating low self-esteem.
2. We lose awareness in the moment.
3. We have more pressing needs that are being met though the self-destructive behavior.
4. A combination of the above.

Now for the good news

Self-observation sets in motion a process of healing that is more powerful than our self-destructive tendencies. When we observe ourselves we feel greater awareness, maturity, compassion and self-acceptance. A student in our online NLP course recently said the following:

When took a step back and observed myself in the moment, mindlessly surfing the Internet when my family was just outside my bedroom wanting to spend time with me, I felt an immediate letting go – sort of like I walked in and ruined my own little party, but it wasn’t a shameful thing. I just realized this wasn’t what I wanted to be doing. So I shut my laptop and went to play with my kids. When I saw myself clearly, I wanted to do something else.

This captures it nicely. True self-observation invites our most adult self to be at the helm, shining the light of maturity and compassionate self-awareness toward whichever aspects of ourselves we are willing to observe.

How to observe yourself.

In NLP we call self-observation, dissociation. Of course, NLP’s dissociation doesn’t resemble clinical dissociation in any way! It simply involves taking a step back and seeing yourself as a more neutral or compassionate observer might see you. Dissociation pulls us out of our stressed and distracted, self-involved states that tend to lead to bad behaviors. Then, we simply observe the moment. When we do this without attempting to coerce ourselves, miracles happen.

Try it. Here are some simple methods.

• Label what you are doing without judgment. The next time you are caught up in the moment, label what you are doing. Right now, I am doing X.

• See yourself. Imagine looking upon yourself as if from a distance. How do you appear? This works particularly well for situations that involve arguments with other people. When we see ourselves and our actions, things change.

• Ask yourself a big picture question. What’s really going on here? What do I really want right now? What am I trying to accomplish here? What does this do for me?

What if I keep doing it anyway?

What if you observe yourself and do the unwanted behavior anyway? Don’t be surprised if you do. It took me weeks of self-observation before I lost my desire to overeat late at night. Of course, I had been doing this self-destructive behavior for 20 years, so a few weeks is a swift recovery if you think about it.

With habits and addictions there are often deeper, unmet needs that need to be identified before self-observation becomes meaningful. If you aren’t aware of your deeper needs, then self-observation may fall flat, like looking through a stranger’s family photo album. What you see doesn’t mean much because you don’t have a strong connection to the family or its history.

When you understand your historical, unmet needs, observing yourself takes on new meaning and automatically fosters greater compassion and self-acceptance, which causes the underlying stress to melt away.

The process of self-observation, compassion and releasing unwanted habits can take some time and may even require some coaching. When you are in a position to practice regularly, however, you will be amazed at the results. Poor habits, even long-standing ones, are weak compared to the power of compassionate self-observation.

Mike Bundrant is a retired mental health counselor who conducts online NLP training with the iNLP Center.

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1.) Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life. One of the greatest myths that is pervasive in our culture today is that you are entitled to a great life-that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, exciting career options, nurturing family time and blissful personal relationships simply because we exist. But the real truth is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of the life you live. That person is YOU.

2.) Be Clear Why You’re Here. I believe each of us is born with a life purpose. Identifying, acknowledging and honoring this purpose is perhaps the most important action successful people take. They take the time to understand what they’re here to do-and then they pursue that with passion and enthusiasm.

3.) Decide What You Want. One of the main reasons why most people don’t get what they want is they haven’t decided what they want. They haven’t defined their desires in clear and compelling detail…What does success look like to you?

4.) Believe It’s Possible. Scientists used to believe that humans responded to information flowing into the brain from the outside world. But today, they’re learning instead that we respond to what the brain, based on previous experience, expects to happen next…In fact, the mind is such a powerful instrument, it can deliver to you literally everything you want. But you have to believe that what you want is possible.

5.) Believe in Yourself. If you are going to be successful in creating the life of your dreams, you have to believe that you are capable of making it happen…Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence or self-assurance, it is a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes-the abilities, inner resources, talents and skills to create your desired results.

6.) Become an Inverse Paranoid. Imagine how much easier it would be to succeed in life if you were constantly expecting the world to support you and bring you opportunity. Successful people do just that.

7.) Unleash the Power of Goal Setting. Experts on the science of success know the brain is a goal-seeking organism. Whatever goal you give to your subconscious mind, it will work day and night to achieve…To engage you subconscious mind, a goal has to be measurable. When there are no criteria for measurement, it is simply something you want, a wish, a preference, a good idea.

To your success,
Jack Canfield
_______________
Jack Canfield, is the founder and co-creator of book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance. If you’re ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your success tips from Jack Canfield now at www.JackCanfield.com.

-what are your thoughts on the ideas above? What “success tips” would you include as being most important? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Motivation Articles, Essays, Tips and Advice

How do you measure success? Is it by financial security, career growth, community involvement, quality of relationships, spiritual centeredness or the legacy you leave? Whichever measure you choose, your attitude is the single most important factor in achieving success.

The topic of attitude can be conceptual and confusing. In fact, as we go through life we often hear phrases like: “keep your chin up,” “look on the bright side” or “you need a winning attitude.” Unfortunately, we seldom know how to convert these soft sayings into hard results.

This book translates the incomprehensible into the actionable. It is intended to provide you with inspiration and application so you can orchestrate your attitude….. and your success.

The great news is that even in the worst situations – a victim of a natural disaster, prisoner of war, target of abuse or when hit by a string of unfortunate circumstances – your attitude is something you can always control!

When we control our attitude we influence how our body responds and performs. Where our thoughts and attitudes go, our bodies follow. For example, blushing is a physical reaction to a mere thought. If we have this kind of reaction to a thought, is it such a leap of faith to believe that we can orchestrate our attitudes to affect our bodies in beneficial ways?

In fact, a positive attitude can buffer us against some adverse health effects and depression. Researchers who studied 839 patients over a 30-year period found a link between optimism and lower risk of early death. Specifically, optimism early in life predicts good health later in life.

Additionally, a landmark study shed light on the ultimate benefit of a positive attitude. In this particular study, participants who were more positive lived an average of 10 years longer than the other participants. Considering that smoking has been shown to reduce life expectancy by 5.5 years for men and 7 years for women, your attitude might be a health risk factor worth paying real attention to.

The choice of attitude is yours. Tomorrow you will become what you choose today.

Attitude: Concept or Concrete?

Have you ever thought about what makes you say things like: “that guy has a great attitude,” or “boy, her attitude is really killing the team?” How do you know if someone’s attitude is great or crummy? When most of us hear the word “attitude” we think of a fuzzy concept that somehow makes us happy, sad, content or frustrated.

It is difficult to measure and manage a concept. However, it’s easier to manage and measure behavior. That’s why I will use a broad definition of attitude: a relatively stable and enduring way to behave. This definition and the following explanation are designed to help you get your mind around the concept of attitude. If we can translate a concept like attitude into concrete behaviors, then we can more easily manage and measure – orchestrate – our attitudes.

How Do Attitudes Develop?

Our attitudes develop from repeatedly thinking, speaking and acting the same way, over and over, until it becomes a stable and enduring way we behave – a habit. Although we can hear and see our attitudes in the words and actions we choose, attitudes start developing with our thoughts.

Our minds are our ultimate personal computers! What we program into them determines how they will function. The most powerful computer ever made, programmed with the wrong software or with bad data, will never function to its capacity. For instance, just as we have viruses (bad data) in today’s cyber world that cause computer malfunctions, our mental computers are also susceptible to the data we put into them. If we choose to load them with bad data, it will limit how effective or successful we will be.

Our attitude is our personal boomerang to the world – whatever we throw out will come back to us. Express enthusiasm and it comes back. Offer a smile and it is returned. Start to gossip and that’s what we will hear. Get frustrated about a team member and that’s what we will see. Help a colleague and we will find a helping hand. This boomerang effect holds true for our thoughts about money, relationships, self-worth, a performance goal, team building, a problem colleague or customer, a new project or career.

So, once we develop a habit of choosing a positive or negative attitude, that is exactly what we will send to and receive from the world.

Choice: Reaction or Response?

The power of choice is one of the greatest gifts we are given. In fact, it is so important that the privilege of choice is removed from prison inmates as a form of punishment. Although we make many choices every hour of the day, we rarely make neutral choices. Each choice has a positive or negative consequence for us at some level.

Our attitude toward life is the most important choice we make! Let’s look at why such a simple choice – embracing a positive or negative attitude – is more challenging than it appears for many people. The bottom line is that we often forget that we have the power to choose. We relinquish it subconsciously, because we make thousands of decisions daily – about 95% of them are subconscious.

Just think of the last time you were in deep thought about your plans for the evening while driving home from work. As you pull into your driveway you wonder to yourself, “How did I get home?” The car seemed to practically drive itself home. Driving is a relatively complex task, requiring many choices along the way – turn right, turn left, slow down, stop and change lanes. Still, driving home can be successfully performed almost subconsciously. So, consider the multitude of much smaller choices we make each day that we don’t really think about: waking up, brushing our teeth, saying “good morning” to a colleague, eating our lunch, performing a repetitive job duty and so on. Subconscious actions are useful most of the time, but we must also consciously choose our attitude in order to control our results.

Our ability to choose is a gift, but it is also a huge responsibility. No matter what today’s ‘it’s not my fault’ culture encourages, we are all ultimately responsible for our own choices. In fact, I like to write the word “responsibility” as response – ability. As humans, we have the unique ability to respond. It is a choice we make, although many times an instantaneous or subconscious choice.

Here’s a scenario repeated daily. Family dinners are important at the Smith house. Jim and Jane Smith and their two children (Jonnie, age 3 and Janie, age 4) have just seated themselves at the table. Before the first bite of dinner is enjoyed, Jonnie spills his milk and it goes everywhere.

A reaction to this event: “Not again, Jonnie! Every time we eat, this happens. Think, son, think! Do you want to eat in your room from now on?”

A response to this event: “Uh Oh, Jonnie. Let’s get a sponge and clean this up so you can eat your dinner.”

When you react, you make a purely emotional and subconscious decision. Often, because of how your experiences and prior choices have programmed your subconscious mind, your reactions do not help you achieve the best results.

On the other hand, when you respond to a situation, you make a constructive and conscious decision. That’s why there are Emergency Response Teams not Emergency Reaction Teams:

- When you simply react, your emotional instinct is in control, with little thought of the long-range consequences.

- When you respond, your brain is fully engaged and your self-awareness is high. You have the long-term consequences in mind.

We all experience plenty of negative situations and people. The key is to be prepared to consciously respond to these negative inputs. Choosing to respond instead of react helps us to positively orchestrate our attitudes….and our lives.

A Script for Orchestrating Attitude

There are three aspects of the script that work in concert: thoughts, words and actions. By orchestrating each aspect with conscious responses, we positively influence our beliefs, commitments and results.

Orchestrate your THOUGHTS to nfluence BELIEFS…..

Orchestrate your WORDS to influence your COMMITMENTS

Orchestrate your ACTIONS to influence your RESULTS

The script plays out like this:

- Thoughts, the way we choose to interpret our world, directly influence our beliefs.

- Beliefs directly influence the words we choose to peak to others, and more importantly, to ourselves.

- Words reflect our commitments to ourselves and others.

- Commitments influence our choice of actions.

- Finally, our actions directly influence the results we achieve.

This script is self-reinforcing, for better or for worse. The results we achieve reinforce our thoughts and the same script is played out again. So, it all starts with our thoughts. Our thoughts today influence our results tomorrow.

The left side of the script is the side of choice. Each of us chooses our thoughts, words and actions either consciously or subconsciously. Therefore, we influence the right side of the script – the side of responsibility. We must take responsibility for our beliefs, commitments and results. We are each responsible for the choices we make and the results we ultimately achieve. The ultimate choice is ours – victim or victor?

To illustrate how this script plays out, let’s say I am given a new project to lead. I am confident that the prospects for this project are positive. Therefore, I start thinking about how to ensure its success and how I can measure the benefits of the project deliverables. I also think about my talented project team, knowing they will need to go above and beyond to achieve success on this project. My kick-off e-mail contains words like “excited,” “opportunity,” “talented team,” “creative solutions” and “positive impact.” My team members speak and react in kind, “boomeranging” my winning attitude back to me. Meetings are crisp, roles are clearly defined and decisions are made collaboratively, yet quickly.

The expected challenges, even the seemingly big ones, are handled professionally and swiftly because the team knows that failure is not an option, and there are many pathways to success. My thoughts and words have already predisposed the team to acting in alignment with my expectation of success. And our eventual success predisposes me to the same thoughts, words and actions on the next project. This is when the powerful, self-reinforcing script will be played again.

Orchestrating attitude creates a beautiful human symphony. The result is a person of integrity who gets the best from himself and others! Author Lee J. Colan is a highly sought-after executive advisor and a captivating speaker.
He has published six books including the best sellers Sticking to It: The Art of Adherence and Passionate Performance.

Article from articlesbase.com

The letter F.

Think about it and two words come to the picture. One of them causes anticipation while the other leads to exasperation. I am going to talk about the latter. The word ‘Failure’!

‘Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing’. The credit to this infamous quotation usually goes to Henry Russell and Vince Lombardi.
But does or rather should this quotation hold good in all spheres of life?
I, at a personal level feel, there is much beyond winning. Infact, I say the real ecstasy lies beyond winning.

Winning is a destination. We win; we reach the destination. We pause for some time and look for directions to set a new destination. This wonderful, joyous, victorious journey has breaks. While if we simply run after dreams; chase them; we keep moving. Dream after dream we have something to look for, to live for!
Victory is not always in walking up to the stage or standing tallest of the three but often the true pleasure lies in achieving personal milestones; knowing from within that I did my best and I am glad that I did it.

It’s the journey
More than the success itself, it’s the journey that makes it more memorable, more treasured. How many of us talk about the moments we spent on the stage receiving the award? And how many of us feel the constant urge to narrate our stories of the preparation, the struggle, the run and the hard work that led us up to the stage?!

Dame Beryl Bainbridge, who died last year, missed out five times on her country’s most prestigious literary prize, the Booker Prize. She lost it five times. For the same, she was nick named as ‘Booker Bridesmaid’. No author was ever shortlisted as many times as her. Finally, to regard her for her master skills, the Booker Prize Foundation created a special prize, The Man Booker Best of Beryl and asked the public to vote for one of her five shortlisted novels to win the accolades. With public voting, her novel Master Georgia won the honor.

In 1997, just a few days before our school annual function, the school vice-principal called me to his cabin. I entered. He asked me to sit and said, ‘I saw your application for Best All Rounder of the School. Thing is I want and I feel you must win the prize. You deserve it. But.. you are already getting a prize for the ‘Best Pupil Teacher’ so I thought let me give it to xyz. She told me she wanted to get a prize on the Annual Day, desperately. ‘ I kept listening and finally he said, ‘What is it? Just a certificate. You know you deserve it better than anyone. So, if just the piece of paper goes to someone else, it doesn’t bring you down but it will give her happiness. What do you say?’ I nodded, flashed a genuine, broad smile and walked out of the cabin feeling victorious and elated.

My husband, IAS topper (AIR – 6), never talks about how he felt when he got the news or how he feels now, after becoming an IAS officer from a MTD in Air Force. What he always and enthusiastically talks about is how he ran for his dream, how he prepared for it and how he enjoyed the time when no one showed confidence in his dreams but he.

Winning is Within
We know from within when we win. If we give out best, we know we did it – whether we get the desired result or not.
Our ‘self’ is the best judge. Which is why many a times we become devastated at a small failure while very resiliently we deal with relatively bigger failures.

I am able to recollect a beautiful poem written by Antonio Machado –
Last night as I was sleeping
I dreamt – marvelous error! –
That I had a beehive
Here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
Were making white combs
And sweet honey
From my old failures.

Surabhi lives in Andaman and Nicobar Islands, a group of islands in southern India, with her husband and nine month old daughter. She quit a corporate job to focus on her family and enjoy the process of being a mother and a home maker. She believes simply: ‘it is good to live’ and her blog is an attempt to prove it. It is a platform to share thoughts, ideas, happiness and sorrows. She would be delighted if you join it !

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How do you deal with negative thoughts and limiting beliefs?

Are you aware of your self-talk and thinking patterns?

Many people suffer from an ANT infestation, which stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Our self-talk is often automatic and can be difficult to notice. We go through life making decisions and behaving based on these automatic thoughts, and instead of controlling what we think about, our thoughts control us.

The thoughts than run our life are often self-defeating, irrational, and simply not true. Negative self-talk leads us to believe we must be perfect, that we’re helpless, or that we’re a victim. If we’re not careful negative self-talk will lead to anxiety, worry, and depression.

You can learn to identify your ANTs and begin to separate and rationalize your negative thoughts before reacting to them.

Four types of ANTs

The worrier

Do you ever think, “What if something bad happens?” Worrying promotes anxiety and tends to magnify problems. If you’re always focusing on and preparing for all the bad things that “could” happen it makes it very difficult to have any joy in life. Remember that 95% of what we worry about never comes true, so if you’re going to use your imagination to tell stories, you might as well make them positive.

The critic

The critic is our ANT that tells us we will never be as good as someone else and that we might as well quite. When we judge and criticize ourselves it leads to a sense of low self-worth and we tend to ignore the positive traits we all have. Be careful not to always compare yourself to others, and be willing to cut yourself some slack and validate how you feel.

The victim

When you encounter an obstacle do you believe you can make progress, or does it seem too difficult to work through? We have all played the role of victim in our life. It comes out during those times when we feel helpless and out of control about something. It’s easy to tell ourselves “I can’t do this!” Playing the victim role can lead to feelings of depression because we feel hopeless and incapable of making change.

The perfectionist

Are you good enough? Have you achieved enough? This ANT is always pushing you to do more and do it better. The perfectionist is never satisfied and always expects more. This is the voice that tells you you’re no good when you get second place instead of first, or you get a 95% instead of 100%. The perfectionist ANT leads to burnout and chronic stress, and will always steal your happiness despite wonderful achievements.

Learn to question your negative thoughts.

It’s time to terminate these ANTs and replace them with positive supportive statements. You can learn to take a step back, rationalize, and create effective mental habits.

You are going to be attached to these thoughts, but you must realize that despite how attached you feel, the validity of these thoughts are based on how they hold up under scrutiny.

Develop some counter statements that can offer a more realistic and empowering perspective.

If you notice any of these ANTs infesting your life, ask “What is the evidence for this?” Develop a counterstatement that can help you bring your thinking to a more rational place. One where you know you can handle it and that you’re good enough.

The negative statements from the worrier, critic, victim, and perfectionist have little basis in reality. Once you can discredit these ANTs you can begin to incorporate more positive and supportive statements.

Develop mindfulness

Anytime you are feeling vulnerable or stressed it can impact how you respond and what you think about.

So, developing greater self-awareness will help you to recognize what’s leading to negative self-talk and help you stay focused and present in order to manage these thoughts.

Mindfulness is being fully aware of what is happing internally with our mind and body, and externally in our environment. In essence, it is as if we are stepping outside of ourselves and becoming an objective observer of our self and surroundings.

Learning to develop mindfulness of thought is a little more advanced stage of mindfulness practice, though when you’re able to do so, it offers a chance to gain greater awareness and simply experience our thoughts without having to react emotionally.

As you begin to direct your attention to the thought processes taking place you will see how quickly your thoughts and feelings shift from one moment to the next.

We often live such busy lives we don’t pay attention to the signs of our emotional response.

Ask yourself:

What was going on in the environment?

What were you thinking? Did you have worry thoughts?

What were you feeling?

What were your actions?

Paying attention to the feeling or the valence of our emotions can be a great signal into the type of thoughts you are having. Do you feel positive or negative? Is what you’re feeling pleasant or unpleasant?

When you feel unpleasant don’t get caught up in this. You can relax and step back instead of unconsciously brooding in this state. You can simply acknowledge how you feel and bring your attention back to your body or breath.

You can begin to go below the surface of the tumultuous waves of the mind, where there are calm waters, and develop peace and serenity by learning to be in control of your mind as opposed to the mind controlling you.

——

Joe is an personal development and career coach who manages the blog Shake off the Grind, where he helps people find success through the up’s and downs of life. You can also find Joe on Twitter.

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